I have lost my way, I don’t seem to know where it is I’m going anymore. When I started this Journey, I had such strong convictions and I knew what it was I wanted to do with my life. All I do now is question. Who is it that I want to be? What is it that I want to do? How should I continue?
Everything is a question and there is no easy answer anymore. I want to make decisions that I know will make me happy and fulfill my self- actualization. I, however stand here Frozen solid by my fear of what if I make the wrong move.
What if I go down the wrong path and find myself once again lost and with no one to hear my plea for help. Down the road when I may not have the people that I can rely on right now. Why do I plague my mind with such thoughts that I still have time to make and shape the way I please.
I shouldn’t worry about what tommorow may bring, Because then I will miss out on today and what Beauty and happiness may come along with it. True, I may be lost right now, but I know that everything will work out for the best. All I have to do in stay in the present and keep working on things that I can control at this moment. I know that if I need help their are people who have my back and become my voice of reason that I have seemed to have misplaced.
My heart Weeps Because I see that I can’t have you by my side. I have to now keep my guard up to keep from showing you what I feel on the inside.
Even if you were to say to me that it’s ok , I know that I must stay away. It is not the right time, I can’t even begin to explain why. It hurts me so that I must watch you walk on by.
My shackles are tightening around me. This is not what I would like to be. I scream with a dreadful plea. To give myself the sight to see, however with no eyes I have lost the key. To give me back, to set me free.
She is my sister, someone I hold to the highest of regards. She has been there when I had my heart laid out in shards. My sister is like no other. She know everything about me that only a few may uncover. She is my sister, one of a kind. There is more to this storyline.
She has been there as more then a sister. She has also been there as a friend. Someone I get to have in my life till the end. She has done so much more and sometimes maybe smother, she has even at points become my mother.
She has helped me become the man I am, I will never repay the kind heart that she has within. I can only walk on with the image she has given. To show the world that Brittney is a godsend.
It is hard to have a person fond of you and Have to tell them you have eyes for someone else.
What is wrong with me to sit there and say, I can’t be with you because I don’t see you in that way.
It seems so wrong of me to say that you are not the one on this day, as I’m still waiting for her to look my way.
That I had been blinded by love for her. I wouldn’t even give you the light of day. You didn’t do anything wrong, all you did was fall in love with me.
I don’t mean to hurt you and I didn’t even see you walk by, I’m sorry that I didn’t notice the tear’s in your eyes.
I walked away from a friend that could have been by my side, to pursue a women that has yet to see what I am showing on the inside.
You had grown fond of me and I couldn’t see why, that someone like you could pick this guy and all I did with it was throw it away, I am so very sorry that I can’t repay the time you had wasted away on a man who couldn’t look your way.
When the one you care about, doesn’t see the point in caring anymore. All you can do is sit back and watch. You can’t change their mind, you can’t seem to show them that there is still time and there is someone out there that would give them the world. All you can do is watch and Wince as you heart aches for them, crying on the inside.
You just sit there and watch them be in pain, because you yourself are too afraid to see what might happen if you come clean and tell them that it was love at first sight. I don’t know what’s worse knowing or not knowing how that person who has shut them self’s out from caring may feel.
I don’t see the point in even trying to convey the feeling I have, for what point. To lose a friend, to be turned down once again for my heart being to big for my eyes to see over. I feel helpless and it hurts me so to see her in pain, pain that is much deeper then even I think her, herself shows. How and why must I put myself through this torment, and yet why is it that I can’t seem to walk away. I’m forzen by the grace of her kindness, yet lost in the dark by her sorrow.
I just want to go to her not as this knight in shining armor to save the day, but as a friend, as a human being and tell her that her life is worth the universe it self, that her Beauty has no comparison to any other living creature on this Earth. I want to run to her and hug, her and never let go.
She does not make it easy and yet I still have hope for a better day. I at the end of the day truly wouldn’t care if I was that special one, just as long as she becomes happy. For her to look forward for that next day to come because she is with the one she loves.